Damn you, Urahara
by ProbablySatan
Summary: Urahara sends the gang to an amusement park for some much needed 'fun.'  One shot.


**Disclaimer: I do not, in anyway, own Bleach**

**Damn you, Urahara**

"You guys need some fun." Urahara said pushing two humans, one Quincy, two soul reapers, and one substitute soul reaper out of his shop.

"Fun?" Chad asked.

"Fun!" Urahara replied. He thrust six tickets at Ichigo who frowned.

"An amusement park?"

"What's that?" Rukia asked on her tip-toes to read the tickets.

"It's..." Orihime started, "Oh you'll see when we get there. It'll be fun!"

Renji snatched the tickets out of Ichigo's hands and read them. To stop a petty argument between the two idiots Uryuu asked, "How are we supposed to get there?"

"Why the bus of course!"

Uryuu's eye twitched, "Public transportation?"

"Oh suck it up Uryuu, I've ridden the bus before." Ichigo replied. Ichigo was desperate to get out of this 'outing.' "What if any Hallows show up?"

"Don't worry Ichigo, we'll take care of it." Urahara said, then he smiled. "You all have fun now! Bye." With that he turned and walked back into his shop, closing the door behind it.

Renji sighed, "So are we gonna go or not?"

"We don't _have_ to." Ichigo replied stretching. He looked like he wanted to take a nap.

"We should go!" Orihime said. "Urahara already bought us these tickets. It was very nice of him."

Ichigo looked like he couldn't care less.

Rukia punched him in the arm, "Be more considerate. Orihime's right, Urahara did something nice for us. Besides, I want to see what this amusement park is like."

Ichigo glared at her, "You can't just go around punching people like that!"

Rukia sweat dropped.

"It all goes through one ear and out the other with him," Uryuu sighed.

"Hn." Chad agreed.

The small group walked through the streets of Karakura and ended up at the correct bus stop. They waited for thirty minutes until a dirty bus rolled up.

They all boarded the bus, but not without some issues.

"I stepped in gum." Uryuu scowled.

"Oh shut up." Renji said while he frowned at the machine at the front of the bus. He didn't know how to pay. "Uh.." He scratched his head.

"Like this, genius." Ichigo showed him the correct way and pushed him ahead.

"He thinks he's so smart." Renji grumbled.

Chad had to turn sideways to get through the bus door and Uryuu was still complaining about his shoes.

Rukia seemed fascinated by the concept of riding the bus while Orihime was explaining how fun amusement parks were.

Renji and Uryuu were still complaining and Ichigo was beginning to get a headache.

Just when Ichigo thought it couldn't get worse he heard an annoying voice.

"Ichigo! How dare you! You thought you could leave me at home...that's why I sneaked into Rukia's bag..."

Ichigo's foot slammed down onto Kon's face and he said, "Shut. Up."

Yea, Ichigo thought. This day is _fun._

Just then three 'tough' guys pushed their way onto the bus and sat at the back near them. One of them took a liking to Rukia and Orihime. He sat by them and began to recite cheesy pick-up-lines.

Ichigo closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Would they ever be off the bus?

Ichigo heard a slap and a bang. Slowly he opened his eyes and frowned.

One of the tough guys had just gotten slapped by Rukia and the biggest guy of them all was standing while Renji blocked his fist from connecting with his face.

"What the hell is going on?" Ichigo regretted asking.

"That guy tried to touch my butt." Rukia replied settling back into her seat next to Orihime.

Ichigo's hands balled into fists but he turned to Renji who shrugged like he didn't know why he was attacked.

"This guy," The big thug said. "Looked at me the wrong way."

Renji smirked and said, "Who wouldn't? What with that big forehead of yours..."

Another fist almost connected with Renji's face but he caught it. He now was holding both of the thug's fists.

The other thug came up to Renji and said, "Can't catch three fists, now can you?" He brought his arm back but Ichigo caught it without difficulty.

"Alright now that's enough." Ichigo said.

"The hell it is!" The plump bus driver wobbled towards the back of the bus. She glared at all of them. "I want all of you off this bus!"

Nobody had noticed that the bus had stopped moving until the bus driver was in front of them.

"But, Ma'am.." Rukia stood.

"Don't ma'am me! Do I look that old to you?"

"..."

"OFF THIS BUS!"

They all shuffled off the bus and into a grass field. The thugs had wondered away in the opposite direction, leaving them alone.

Uryuu sighed and pushed his glasses up his nose, "Idiots."

"Hey!" Ichigo yelled. "You gotta problem?"

Uryu turned his back on him.

Renji shivered, "That lady was scaaaaary."

"Yea." Kon agreed, popping out of Rukia's bag. "Did you see that huge mole on her face?"

"So where are we?" Rukia asked.

"How the hell would I know?" Ichigo grumbled. "Damn you Urahara."

"Ichigo, It's not his fault that we got kicked off the bus." Orihime said frowning at him.

"He just needs someone to blame," Rukia answered.

"If he never sent us on this trip we wouldn't be here right now!"

"Well complaining isn't going to help." Uryuu said.

"There should be another bus stop up that way so we should just walk straight." Chad said

They got up and walked forward for thirty minutes while Ichigo and Renji took turns complaining.

"I'm hot."

"I'm thirsty."

"I'm hungry."

"I'm bored."

"I'm tired of walking."

"_I'm _tired of hearing you both complain!" Rukia said. She stuck out her foot and managed to trip Ichigo who fell into Renji, knocking them both to the ground. "Now will you _please_ be quiet?"

"Sir yes sir," Ichigo replied standing up and then pushing Renji back down.

"_Sir?"_ Rukia said narrowing her eyes.

"Uh I mean Ma'aaaaaaaah!" Ichigo got acquainted with the ground again when Renji grabbed his ankle and yanked it from underneath him.

"We're here!" Orihime announced running past Ichigo and Renji who were still on the ground. Unfortunately 'here' was just the bus stop.

They waited another thirty minutes and finally, another bus rolled up. They all got on, this time, without any problems. Ichigo slumped down in the uncomfortable bus seat and closed his eyes.

A few minutes later a guy in an oversized trench coat and messy hair got on the bus.

"Hey you." The guy said standing in front of Renji.

"What do you want?" Renji scowled.

"Ya wanna buy sumthin'?" He asked.

"Uh...no..?" Renji said.

The guy opened his coat wide, strapped to each side were lots of little things that ranged from watches to perfume. "Are ye sure?"

"I'm positive."

Renji grew even more irritated when the man began to invade his personal space. "Ar' ye sure yer positive."

"Yes! And I'd like it if you'd back up."

"No can do."

"_What?_"

"Renji calm down." Rukia said.

"Yew miss, wouldya like to buy sumthin'?" The man asked.

Rukia's eyes got wide as she took in the materials, she nodded her head.

Ichigo mentally groaned but kept his eyes closed.

Rukia looked inside his coat, "Lemme see that watch."

The man handed her the plastic watch, Rukia observed it and grinned. "It's nice."

"Uh, It's broken Rukia." Renji said.

"Shut yer jaw!" The man pushed Renji out of his seat and sat down. "Don't know wut yer talkin' 'bout. That watch is perfecly fine."

Rukia handed the watch back to him and peered inside his coat. "What's that?" She said pointing to a small baggy that was hanging out the side of one of the pockets.

"This is not fer sell."

"Why not?" Rukia asked. She grabbed the little bag and peered at it. Inside there were little green things inside. "What's this green stuff?"

The man stared at her, "Ar' ye kiddin' meh?"

Ichigo opened one eye and realized what Rukia was holding. He groaned, "Rukia, put that down."

"No, I want to buy it."

"Rukia, it's weed, can you please...?"

When Rukia shook her head he gave up. She'd just find out about it later.

"It will cost ya a lot."

Rukia shrugged she got the baggy and asked what to do with it. The man showed her how and he made more money by selling her a lighter.

"Uh Rukia," Orihime began.

Ichigo put a hand on her shoulder, "Leave it alone, it's just more amusement for me later."

Orihime's face was a cross between shock and disgust that made Ichigo double over in laughter.

"Ye sure ya don't wanna buy enything, son?" The man turned towards Renji.

"Get out my fucking face!" Renji said moving to another seat on the bus.

The man shrugged and walked off the bus with a smug look on his face.

Uryuu and Chad shook their heads at Rukia who was shaking up the small bag in wonder. Ichigo found himself chuckling again because he found it funny that smart people could be so ignorant sometimes.

They sat in silence, with the occasional "Are we there yet?" From Renji.

_Boom!_

Ichigo didn't even waste his time turning around, he knew something else would go wrong with the luck they had.

"Alright." The bus driver said. "We are experiencing some problems-"

"No shit." Ichigo said.

"Er- the back of the bus is on fire?"

They all climbed out of the bus starring at the mass of fire at the back of the bus. They all groaned.

"Hey, do you know where the amusement park is?" Uryuu asked, while checking his watch.

"As a matter of fact I do." The bus driver replied. "It's about a thirty minute walk from here..." The bus driver continued to give instructions.

Finally the group was on their way towards the amusement park.

Rukia took out the packet that she'd received from the man and took out a small amount. She then took out her lighter, she then proceeded to do what the man had instructed her to do.

They all stared at her as she did this finally she looked up and said, "What?"

"You know you bought a drug, right?" Uryuu asked, pushing up his glasses.

Rukia's moth formed an 'O'. "No I wasn't informed."

Uryuu face-palmed when Rukia continued to light the drug. "So why are you still...doing that?"

"It's all a part of the human experience!" Rukia replied putting it to her lips and then taking a drag. She coughed violently for a few minutes before grinning.

"What even possessed you to try that?" Renji said scrunching his nose when the smell went his way.

Rukia shrugged and her grin began to get lop-sided. "Waaaaant soome?"

"Uh, no."

"I'm hungry!" Orihime whined suddenly. Hr announcement made everyone, with the exception of Rukia, realize that they were as well.

"Here." Chad reached into his bag and pulled out some candy bars. "I brought these along for later."

"Thanks Chad!" Ichigo and Renji said at the same time, both lunging for the bars that Chad had put on top of his backpack on the ground.

"Get out my way...Pineapple head."

Renji's eye twitched and he kicked Ichigo, "Shuddup!"

"Gimme that!"

"No!"

"What did _I _say?"

"I don't care about what you sai-OW!"

"HAHAHA."

"Give it back!"

"Ow! Did you just bite me?"

"That's a really gross thought, Ichigo."

"Uh, you guys do know there's more than one candy bar, right?" Chad asked.

Renji and Ichigo turned red, "Uhh..."

"I don't care anymore." Ichigo crossed his arms. "He can have it."

"No no go ahead, look you made me bleed for it." Renji replied holding out his arm to show him.

"Don't be such a drama queen." Ichigo said.

The two seemed to be growing hungrier with each passing second.

"Eat it bitch!" The yelled at the same time, diving again. But this time coming up with their own individual bar without fighting.

Rukia giggled, "Hehehhee...anyone else notice that iiichigoo's shirt says 'Nice vibe?' Thhhat's irooonic. Hehehe."

Ichigo threw the candy bar rapper at her.

"Haha, that tickled." Rukia wobbled and looked down at the ground. "What's that you said, ground? You don't like being stepped on? I'm sorry." Rukia began to tear up before taking another drag.

Orihime tried to forcefully take the weed from her high friend, but Rukia ran away, she climbed on to Renji's back and screamed, "Giddy-Up horsey!"

Renji who was currently distracted by the task of eating jumped. After being hit several times on the head by Rukia he began to run around in circles.

"Chaos." Ichigo said in despair. "My life is chaos. Even when I'm not in a life threatening situation my life is still fucked up."

Finally Rukia jumped off Renji's back. She wobbled a few paces and proceeded to lay down on her back while giggling hysterically. "I see colors, pretty colors."

Ichigo, personally, thought that there was something else wrong with Rukia because weed wasn't the strongest of drugs out there...

When Renji's world stopped spinning from carrying Rukia around he bent over and barfed on Uryuu's shoes.

Uryuu Ishida was beginning to think that this was the worse day of his life when another wave of through-up landed on his shoes.

Renji wiped is mouth and collapsed on his back, "Sorry...Uryuu."

Fifteen minutes later the group resumed their walk. Rukia was slung over Ichigo's shoulder while she sang to herself about bunnies. Orihime kept trying to talk sense into her but she was getting nowhere.

Chad walked silently, looking like he's rather be anywhere else.

Uryuu was still salty about his shoes and kept giving Renji the evil eye, who kept spitting on the ground to get the taste of through-up out of his mouth.

"Hey," Orihime said. "Where's Kon?"

There was a beat of silence until Ichigo shrugged and said, "He'll find us eventually. He always does, it's rather unfortunate actually."

They finally came upon and entrance area and Orihime proclaimed "We're here!"

Ichigo went ahead wondering why he couldn't hear the sounds of people around or cars in the parking lot. He walked up to the main entrance and almost died.

"It's..." He said. "I- The- It's. What the fuck! Damn you Urahara!"

Everyone stared at him and Rukia giggled, pounding him on his back.

He turned to face his friends.

"The amusement park is closed."

END

**I enjoyed writing this xD**

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